How Long Does it Really Take to Get Over a Breakup or Divorce?

“Only time heals a broken heart.” Really? Does getting over a breakup or divorce really have to take months or years? Or does positive psychological reframing create a much faster, better path to recovery?

Have you heard people say, “A breakup takes time to get over? Only Time heals a broken heart.”

If you’re divorced, you may have heard even worse messages — not just time, but lots of time. Maybe you’re aware of the false but widely circulated idea that you’ll need one month for every year you were together?

Is a breakup really an emotional prison sentence of months or years?

Absolutely not. You don’t have to follow that arbitrary cultural script. These are years you won’t get back. Years that you could use in other ways than following random scripts:

Examples of cultural scripts that are unreal. Damaging. Pathological.  And true only if you buy into them:

  1. “You’re going to suffer for months or years after a breakup or a divorce.”
  2. “He/She was the love of my life, my one true love.”
  3. “I’m unlovable.”
  4. “I’m guilty and deserve punishment.”
  5. I’m dying now that they’ve ‘pointed the bone’ at me.”
  6. “I’ll never love again.”
  7. “Without love, life isn’t worth living.”
  8. “She was my best friend.”

What if I told you I can offer you a different script?

What if that script were based on practical methods of managing your own psychology, imported from the east, with centuries of experience behind it?

And what if this new method is based also on modern psychological research in positive psychology?

Would you be interested in trying this different script? A recipe you didn’t know of until now?

The fact that you’re reading this far means it’s highly likely that you are interested.

That’s a good thing, because a new recipe is exactly what I’m teaching in the blog entries tagged “Breakup and Divorce.”

It’s technology in the sense of coding. It’s coding in the sense of working with the language of your own brain.

If your brain were running a better program right now, don’t you think you’d feel better?

You may be running one of the many common programs that result in unnecessary suffering. Say, one like: “If I sincerely loved, I”ll never be done with the divorce.”

Gadoua’s belief, above, is a self-fulfilling script of suffering.

What if you were choosing your thoughts? And choosing new beliefs about what you can do right now? Choosing new meanings about the breakup, new values about your life and all the possibilities for it that are out there right now?

What if you were choosing your course instead of your life just happening to you?

You may already feel just now a puff of wind in your sails. That wind is called hope. And it resulted from a tiny shift in your belief about what is possible. Maybe you heard for the first time that completely getting over a breakup of divorce doesn’t have to take months or years.

Getting past a breakup, even a divorce, in weeks, even days, in a legitimate way, without repressing emotions, but processing them quickly, is not only possible, it’s easier than doing it the old way.

I know because I did it. I teach you how in the “breakup and divorce” category of this blog.

How well will what worked for me work for you?

You won’t know unless you try it. It’s worth trying, isn’t it? 

You have every right to your feelings — feelings of pain, of hurt, of abandonment, of grief, of guilt, or whatever the feelings are for you.

And you also have every right to learn quickly from your pain and to choose other feelings. You can do this. You can try the steps I teach in this blog.

You’ll then either immediately begin to feel better, feel nothing different, or feel worse.  Am I right that these are the only three possibilities?

Run the experiment.  There’s much more to this strategy than immediate pain relief, and yet pain relief is important, so start by trying this immediate pain relief formula.

Then come back here. Did the the experiment give rise to feeling better, feeling no change, or feeling worse? You feel some better, don’t you?