The text, audio seminar, and workbook, “Ultimate Resilience After Breakup or Divorce: A New Framework for Rapid Recovery,” will be released on July 17, 2018.
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“A breakup just takes time to get over.”
“Only time can heal a broken heart.”
“To get over a divorce, you’ll need one month for every year you were together.”
“If you really loved and were attached to your spouse, you’ll never really be done grieving.”
Is a breakup really an emotional prison sentence of months or years? Is a divorce from the spouse you loved a life sentence, as one therapist claims?
I’m one to tell you, “Absolutely not.”
Physical injuries take a predictable time to heal. You can’t much hurry or delay the healing of a broken bone, assuming you follow the usual protocol. Healing a broken bone simply takes the time it will take — no more and no less.
Isn’t it true that emotional healing isn’t predictable in the same way? When it comes to emotional healing, sometimes you heal slowly, and other times quickly, right? What’s the difference? Is it your circumstances alone? Whether you have support? Whether you have time to rest and to process the emotions? Whether you have access to professional resources such as counseling or medications?
All those factors help, and yet there are two factors that aren’t just helpful, but crucially important. In fact these two are everything:
- How you use your mind.
- How you use your body.
You can get all the counseling and medications your bank account can buy, and you can depend on your family and friends for support for the rest of their lives, and exhaust every other resource and support you have access to, but if you don’t choose to learn healing ways to use your mind especially, and also your body, then you’re still going to be stuck, depressed, angry, overwhelmed, guilty, or subject to whatever negative emotion is ruining your life right now. Isn’t that true?
Emotional pain is different
A broken bone takes the time it takes.
But as you’ve probably experienced in an earlier circumstance of your life, a single insight can in an instant cause you to stop replaying a script of emotional pain.
Think about it: Do you remember a time, maybe in junior high or high school years, when you were in great pain over something that happened, and then suddenly you experienced a more mature way of looking at the problem? And the pain of it just disappeared, didn’t it?
Did you continue to rehearse the painful emotions after that? Of course not.
You see, there are schools of psychology and therapy which see painful emotions, memories, traumas, and so on as “deeply-buried” things from your past, which must be found, pulled out, examined at length, re-experienced but this time in a functional way.
In their idea, a painful past experience is like a foreign object in your body. Or it’s like poison in your body. Or — very commonly — it’s like a rogue source of pressure in a hydraulic system. If you don’t find the pressure and release it, you’re never going to be ok. That’s what they really believe.
And they believe this pressure will continue, and will continue to hurt you and damage you. So, they believe, you must go back to your past and revisit your painful experiences, and “deal with” them in whatever healthy ways that particular school of psychology or therapy sees as helpful.
That can help clients. But at what cost of time, and pain? Months and years? There’s got to be a better way. First do no harm, right?
Would the clients have gotten better anyway, naturally, after months or years of revisiting the most painful experiences of their lives in the therapist’s office?
There’s a reason Freudian psychology, to name the classic school of this type, takes literally years (not to mention thousands of dollars), and leads to questionable results. If you know much about Freud, you know he never claimed he could help his patients become vibrant, joyful individuals, but rather just somewhat less miserable.
There are other schools of psychology and therapy which see painful emotions and states not as hydraulics from the past which must be investigated and revisited for years, but rather as simply behaviors.
As actions you do.
In the here and now.
- remembering with painful nostalgia a great time with your ex
- telling yourself you’ll never feel love again
- blaming yourself
- blaming your ex
- …. etc., etc.
These psychologists and therapists — and the cognitive behavioral psychologists are the most famous school, because among the most successful at fast treatment — would say what you should focus on is your internal behaviors right now. Your internal actions.
Beginning right here and now, how can you honestly think and believe and act in order to stop feeling pain and start feeling joy and power and love?
You don’t have to follow the widespread arbitrary script of months or years of recovery.
What if I told you I can offer you a better script? A way to design your own recovery? And the healing process since you’ll go about it systematically, not waiting to randomly muddle through — will take only days or weeks, not months or years?
What if that script was based on practical methods of managing your own mind, imported from the East and based on modern research in positive psychology?
Would you be interested in at least trying it?
The fact that you’ve reading this far means it’s likely you will try it.
And I’m glad. Openness and a willingness to try is all you’ll need to take the first step to a new script, a new program that you’ll customize based on your own needs.
What you’ll learn:
- How to use your body and your mind to access the empowering states of productivity, love, confidence, peace, and focus.
- How to design and install executive purposes for your life, which draw you so emotionally toward your goals that you’ll never have to “resolve” to do something again.
- How to bleed the power from painful memories.
- Reframing and overframing recipes for salvaging memories of the happy moments and adventures with your ex — without the pain or grief you may currently feel in those memories.
- Reframing, overframing, and dimensional framing recipes for dropping the cravings you may have for your ex.
- How to recognize false, disempowering beliefs, or schema — and truly change them, right down to the core of you, often in just one hour.
- How to recognize which of your friends you should talk to, and which friends whose conversation about your recovery will only hurt you, no matter how much they want to help.
- How to directly control your emotional states by using your body, using your mind, and using positive triggers that you design.
- How to sincerely drop false beliefs that keep you stuck, and in pain.
- How to use reframing and overframing techniques to delete negative triggers, or to flip them into positive triggers.
- Reframing and dimensional framing recipes to legitimately change the meaning for you of the breakup or divorce with the ultimate power of reframing.